What About Now?

Last week, I asked "Is it Christmas?" as my blog title. Unfortunately, it was a rough week and it did little to put me more in the mood. There was lots of basketball, lots to be done to get ready for Tala's funeral that was yesterday, lots of work to be done before being off work, a trip to the laundry mat since my washer is STILL broken, and I got rear ended in my new car on the way to one of Merrick's games.

The only Christmassy moment was when we took brief drive to look at Christmas lights and went to this magical house.

I don't have a lot to say tonight. I don't really want to talk about Tala's funeral other than to say it was beautiful. The Samoan singing and the speakers paid the perfect tribute to Tala. Now, the fam is watching Home Alone and I'm off to join them, desperate to get in the Christmas spirit.

Is It Christmas?

Yesterday, as we were clearing out and cleaning Tala's house for the second weekend in a row, Jeremy commented that it really didn't feel like Christmas. I don't know how it's supposed to with all that we are dealing with. I still have presents to buy and people that I still have no idea what I am getting them. This is the least prepared I have ever been for Christmas and, with Tala's funeral next weekend, Christmas won't make it to the top of the priority list until just days before the big day.

Thankfully, other people have built at least a little joy into the season for us. On Friday, Merrick had a basketball game. Unfortunately, we had our first loss of the season, but at half time, CC and Isabel's dance team performed. It was so fun to have two of my three kids sharing the court/stage, doing something they love.

We also did have our ward Christmas party last night. It was Christmas morning themed with breakfast for dinner and a white elephant gift exchange. Merrick was one of the first to go and scored with a fishing pole that was promptly stolen from him. In the end, he ended up with playdough that will be donated to my work toy drive. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

We are taking it one day at a time, trying to focus on the little moments of joys, and hoping the Christmas spirit will find us soon.

Goodbye, Tala

 This has been one of hardest weeks we have had in a long time. Given all that we have been through recently, that is saying something. Tuesday night I was trying to fall asleep when my phone rang. On the other line was Emily and she was completely hysterical. She said something had happened with Tala and she was headed over, but it didn't look good.

Wednesday morning we learned many more details. Tala had had a heart attack. The EMTs worked hard to revive him but he had gone somewhere between 10-30 minutes without oxygen to his brain, but we didn't have a lot of information about the long term prognosis. I was supposed to leave around lunch time to go to my company's winter retreat. I talked to Emily and asked if I should stay home. She said there was nothing I could do and I should go. That turned out to be a terrible decision.

Before I could even arrive in Bend, I learned just how bad things were. Tala was showing no neurological response and while they are keeping him alive with life support, they had a DNR should he have another heart attack.

By that evening, his organs were shutting down and they decided to remove life support. Tala passed around 9pm Wednesday night, less then 24 hours after having the heart attack, and I truly believe he was actually gone long before that.

The next 36 hours were beyond miserable. My family was falling apart and I was stuck three hours away falling apart and trying to still participate in work meetings.

I finally got home on Friday afternoon. I wish I could say that things got better after I got home, but that was just the beginning and time to get to work. There is so much to be done from funeral planning, to dealing with the house, cars, business, and most importantly, supporting Kalani. To say that the community has rallied around Kalani is a gross understatement. He is being held up and support from every imaginable angle.

There is so much to be done, but we have a plan and we are working it. Various members of the family have very conflicting emotions about Tala and his passing, but I truly hope he is resting well on the other side. Until we meet again, Tala.

I'm sharing one of my favorite Tala pictures. This is the Tala I want to remember, Here he is painting little C.C.'s fingernails.